if nothing else i am a good friend.

As I was waking up this morning I realized that I couldn't go to the auditions for the NYMF (New York Musical Theatre Festival) shows. I was way too tiered. I have this red hurting eye, and I really cannot take anything else onto my plate right now.

I am becoming full, starting to lack room for additives or additions. I don't have room for fillers or artificial.

I think that this whole transformation is not just nutritional and phsyical, it is emotional and involves relationships to myself and the outside world.

I have been thinking about the way that I enage with people. I give and give until there is none left for me. And many of my "friends" take and take and reciporicate enough to fuel my giving and giving. In **romanic** situations I often time never set boundaries and don't take care of my own needs, then get angry at the other person for being inconsiderate. They didn't do anything wrong necessarily, except lack the psychic ability to read my mind and excel at compassion and generosity. I wanted them to be an over giver too. Whew.

I cannot spend time asking people to meet my basic needs in a friend/lover relationship. These are un-compromisable. So I am going to find a new word for my closest circle. I have a lot of friends but only a few people in my tribe.

I am not saying NO: to filler friends, unhealthy food, over-giving...I am saying YES to my life being a radically loving person. When I take care of myself I don't have time for the rest. However right now it seems like there is a lot of break away people and situations. I feel like a little caterpillar who is going through some major growing pains building my cacoon.